Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
