He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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