East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
