She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
