Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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