Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
