no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
