either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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