you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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