so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I FOUND THE LEGS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
