You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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