her vagine was all disorganized.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
