I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
