I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize