My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
