I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
