My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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