Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
love makes seman taste better
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
