He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
