I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize