ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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