i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
