I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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