Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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