literally had 100 drinks last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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