something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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