I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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