We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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