I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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