Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
