I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
