After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
