mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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