if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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