There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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