You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
