There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
