My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
