I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
