I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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