My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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