By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We were destined to go to rehab together
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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