Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
