i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
