i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
