i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Boobs are out for the taking
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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