haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
