You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dick very happy bro
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
