I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize