dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
