At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
