people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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