would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
