Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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