I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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