I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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