Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
