It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
