I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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