PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
