I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
