is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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