I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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