You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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