I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
